In this episode, we discuss the practical importance of self-awareness with international coach, public speaker and entrepreneur, Tye Miles.
Learn about Tye Miles here: https://www.tyemiles.com/
Zach: What’s up, y’all? It’s Zach with Living Corporate, and yes, you’re listening to another B-Side. Now, yes, we’ve introduced the purpose of a B-Side before, but remember, every episode is someone’s first episode. So for our new folks, B-Sides are essentially random shows we have in-between our larger shows. These are much less structured and somehow even more lit–that’s right, even more lit–than our regularly scheduled shows. Sound Man, go ahead and drop some air horns right here.
[Sound Man complies]
Zach: There we go. That’s what I’m talking about. Now, often times we have a special guest, and this episode is no different. We have Tyeisha Miles. Tyeisha is an international coach, public speaker, writer, and entrepreneur. Her company, The Inner Work, trains women, leaders, and service providers with a desire to make a greater impact ready to create their own success, know their worth, and craft realistic plans to achieve their goals so they can manifest their full potential with the fulfillment of serving others with their gifts. Tyeisha, Tye, welcome to the show. How are you?
Tye: I am absolutely amazing. Thank you so much for having me speak to your tribe today. I’m really excited about this.
Zach: Come on, now. My tribe? I like that language. Now, [laughs] today we’re talking about social intelligence. So, you know, as I introduced you–you are a coach. How do you, as a coach, leverage social intelligence?
Tye: Oh, my goodness. Social intelligence, it’s incredible. It has such a huge impact on an individual’s life, their personal success and their professional success cannot exceed their ability to really deal with this. As a coach, I leverage it in a way to either tap into their pain or their pride to get them to their desired results. For example–this is a very easy example that I think everybody can really get. I have a client right now who desires a physical transformation. She wants to lose weight. She’s tried to lose weight. She’s tried to lose weight several times in the past. And so with this social intelligence, I tap into her pride because–you know, I let her know, “You’re not a quitter. You’re loyal to yourself. You’re competitive, and you’re diligent. That’s the reason you’re here talking with me after you have tried XYZ in the past. You’re still at it. You still want your goal, and so I used that by knowing her, you know, hearing her pain, I used that to help her get to her desired results.
Zach: Can you talk to us a little bit about your story and how being able to effectively manage your own emotions while reading the emotions of others was so important for you?
Tye: Absolutely. So a little bit about my story. I am a mother. I became a mother at the age of 16. Happily married for 17 years now. I have three incredible children, and I believe in being transparent. That’s what makes me a (big?) coach, so I’m gonna be tastefully transparent here with you all today. [laughs] So I like to, like, draw a comparison ’cause I think people can really get it. For me, I grew up in the projects. Had my first baby at 16. I was sexually abused as a child by someone I trusted, and even sexually harassed on the job, and so I’m sharing those few things to kind of share, you know, my thinking before because of these experiences, and a lot of us in our adult life, you know, these things are showing up, you know, really blocking our success personally and professionally. So for instance, before I really understood what emotional and social intelligence is and how important, you know, that piece of the puzzle made in my life, me growing up in the projects, I had the mentality that I wasn’t good enough, that I was always gonna be a part of the status quo. You know, me being sexually abused as a child, I had the understanding that I can’t trust people, even the people that are closest to me because they’re always looking out to serve themselves, you know? Being sexually harassed at work, it made me intimidated by men in authority. Being a teenaged mom, becoming a teenaged mom, I was a straight A student. I became known as the sneaky smart girl, and that made me, like, sort of over-correct for my past mistakes, always seeking the approval of others to a fault. And so all of these things show up in my adulthood. It wasn’t really until about 7 years ago I was like, “Okay, I can’t continue to live my life like this. What am I gonna do different?” Of course they showed up in different scenarios. So since taking the time to really understand and get to know myself, I’ve been able to first acknowledge where that mindset, that habit, that pattern of thinking came from and how it was showing up in my life. I had to acknowledge it, but then I also was able to say when these types of situations of happen, when I’m in the board room with a male, I know from my past usually it makes me intimidated and I take myself out the [inaudible], just letting men lead, but because I’m aware of how my past responses were due to that emotion, I’m able to intellectually change. I’m able to be aware of that and change and adjust my response, like, in real-time, based on what I know about myself. And so it’s literally transformed my life. It’s literally transformed my life, and it’s so very important. I really believe that the most neglected relationship on earth is a person’s relationship with their self. We do not take the time to get to know ourselves. We become adults who allow stuff to crowd out our lives, and we never come back to really understanding who we are.
Zach: That’s so–that’s just so profound, right? And it’s just so interesting, your point around the fact–you said the biggest relationship we don’t develop or pour into is the one with ourselves, because [inaudible]–so I’m a consultant. There’s people I meet every day and I work with, I’m like, “Are you not aware of the way that you’re behaving?” Like, I’m not a psychologist, but it’s like, “Are you–like, where are you right now? Why would you do that? Why would you say that in this context, in this particular scenario?” And it’s–to me, it speaks to, to your point, a lack of just self-awareness, but when you say self-awareness I think of it in a much more just intentional and deeper way, self-awareness kind of being like okay, where are you in where you’re standing and making sure you don’t trip over something. Off the tails of what you were just speaking to, I’m talking about genuinely understanding and knowing yourself and how valuable that is and how you interact and engage with others, so that’s just so profound. I’m curious, when you talk about, you know, your experiences and how you’ve transitioned into being a coach and a public speaker and an entrepreneur, what were some of the biggest challenges with that? Especially as a black woman. What are some of the things that you’ve had to navigate and manage through?
Tye: I think the biggest things for me–two big things that just stand out the most to me. One, there is a lack of munity in our community. I’m sure it affects all of us, but we really, as black people and as black women in a category of our own, we tear ourselves down. We tear one another down. And the second thing, we have to learn how to honor differences. These are the two biggest challenges. How to get along with someone, how to come together collectively to fulfill and achieve an overall goal, and honoring differences. We can work together, although we do not think alike, you know? So for instance, I found that in my transition, interestingly, men allow me to come in. Men, male professionals, allow me to come in and own my awesomeness. They allow me to come in and be the bold, vibrant, energetic Tye doing her thing whenever I work a project, whereas I’ve found, as a black woman around black women, there is this sense of–this sense of heightened insecurities, or they feel threatened. I have a presence. I’m a 6 feet tall black woman, you know? I have short [inaudible] hair, and I’m very confident. I had to learn how to be very confident, and these things I’ve found–not all women, but a lot of women, they want me to dim my light. They want to keep me in this box because they don’t want me to show them up, and that’s not my intention to show them up, it’s because of an insecurity. I strongly believe that, you know, as a coach, as I’m in my public speaking atmosphere, when I’m going into trainings, when I’m looking to collaborate and co-create with individuals, you know, we have to understand that it’s–you know, we’re only as strong as the weakest link and that when you surround yourselves with strong individuals, you yourself–you’re pushed up as a strong individual yourself. It doesn’t take away from who you are. It actually adds credibility and value to who you are, to your organization and what you’re doing, and so, you know, those are the two biggest challenges, just really navigating–you know, how can I go in and not step on toes but reach the goal? You know, use what I have and take what they have to reach a common goal, and then just understanding how to have effective communication in a way that honors the differences, you know? We succeed and achieve what we set out to do.
Zach: You know, what advice would you give younger professionals who are trying to navigate this corporate space as it pertains to social and emotional intelligence?
Tye: Oh, gosh. This is so good. One, I believe and I have found that your dollar is in your difference, and what I mean by that–in a corporate space it can be highly competitive. There’s several people that may be doing what you’re doing, and so in that you need to master your craft, you know? Don’t just go in being okay building your skill set to the status quo. No, go in and learn everything you can learn. Do the things that other people don’t want to do. Don’t always go in with the mindset of a paycheck. Go in with the mindset of “How can I best use what I’m learning through a certain experience to maximize my potential?” And then be authentic. Be yourself, you know? Like I said, the skill set–they can go get anyone to complete a role or to do a certain duty, to fulfill a task, but they can’t get you. They can’t get your personality. So the two of those alone, which to say is your dollar is in your difference. My dollar is in my difference. I defined that. I determined that by mastering my craft, taking what I do seriously, and being myself. And then the second thing I would say is just really to know your worth, independent of the opinion and approval of others. Know your worth. Don’t allow what other people think about you–don’t allow your title, their title, your money, the knowledge of their money, their description of their role, to make you feel any less. Know your worth independent of anything else, and then when you’re able to do that, when you can just build your confidence to the place where it doesn’t matter what another person thinks about you, your confidence is on 100, you become unstoppable. Confidence is attractive. It is a virtue that every young individual needs in the corporate climate. It’s attractive. Naturally you’re gonna be happier, naturally you’re gonna get your job done easier. You’re gonna be able to make friends while at work. You’re gonna be able to get things done without rubbing people the wrong way unnecessarily.
Zach: We talked about the fact that you’re a coach and that you have a variety of clients and that, you know, you’ve been doing this for a couple of years. Now, where can people learn more about you?
Tye: Absolutely. You can find me on social media – Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram at @thetyemiles, and I’ll spell that out. T-H-E-T-Y-E-M-I-L-E-S. That’s on all social media platforms, or you can just go over to my website at tyemiles.com.
Zach: Awesome. Well, we’ll make sure to put that in the show notes so that folks can engage that further. Now, this has been a great conversation. Before we wrap though, do you have any shout outs?
Tye: I just want to send some love to you for having me on. Speaking to your tribe has been a pleasure. To my husband, who has been an absolute tremendous support through all of my different phases, and to my children. To my children. So thank you again for this amazing opportunity just to share my raw thoughts.
Zach: This has been awesome. Now, look, guys. That does it for us on the Living Corporate podcast. Make sure you follow us on Instagram at LivingCorporate, Twitter at LivingCorp_Pod, and subscribe to our newsletter through living-corporate.com. We also have a Patreon, so you can spare a dollar a month–I know you can, I hope you can–spare a dollar a month to support content that explores the perspectives and experiences of black and brown people in Corporate America. Show us some love. If you have a question you’d like for us to answer and read on the show, make sure you email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. My name is Zach. You have been listening to Tyeisha Miles. Peace.
Kiara: Living Corporate is a podcast by Living Corporate, LLC. Our logo was designed by David Dawkins. Our theme music was produced by Ken Brown. Additional music production by Antoine Franklin from Musical Elevation. Post-production is handled by Jeremy Jackson. Got a topic suggestion? Email us at email@example.com. You can find us online on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and living-corporate.com. Thanks for listening. Stay tuned.